I think it's important to clear one's head a bit because when you sit down at a desk and decide "this is the time when I am going to think" all you do is not think about what you are sitting to think about. It becomes a huge waste of time.
The projects I've decided to work on are so entirely outside my comfort level- not necessarily on the conceptual level but more on a technical level. I mentioned the struggle with video work in yesterday's blog, but I hardly have mentioned the issue with words. I don't really love to include words in visual work only because it seems rather obvious to me- like I am telling the viewer what I want them to think and in that respect, I feel as though it boxes people into two corners. You're in this or out of this.
You might be aware of the performance I did last month, a transfiguration of longing, where I rapped a stone against the wall for 7 hours. That certainly gives one a lot of time to think and in responding to that rhythmic tapping I thought much about how a heartbeat, in its total function, is also a form of communication. It speeds up when excited or anxious- it doesn't necessarily have a language, just a steady-ish rhythm that it beats at and it's subtle changes in pace in response to how we are feeling.
This led me to latching onto that note in the margin of my sketchbook- morse code. It seemed a more standardized method of using rhythm as language, except one would have to know the language to understand it. Of course, it could be learned but when we really want something, don't we do that? Or do we use the lack of knowledge as an excuse for not understanding?
It can be a heartbreaking conundrum, couldn't it?
Wanting to understand but you don't speak the language/wanting to communicate but only knowing one way how... it's alienating (yes, this will be a word I return to often with this work).
So I spent yesterday walking the city, drinking coffee at my favorite bookstore and sitting and meditating in Hallgrimskirkja while taking moments to write. I decided to respond to different ways we carry ourselves in our bodies. We present ourselves one way while we have this undercurrent of something else we are too vulnerable to expose. So in a way, I am trying to tackle very mundane activities and how they may be loaded with otherness, if one cared to look.
Today, I am tackling this "poem" (for lack of a better term) to film adjoining video. Just like I am not a video artist, I am also not a poet but I think this is what is making the most sense for the time being. I have about 6 "poems" going at the moment. This is the one most flushed out.
i can never stop
even when i know
the best thing
is to leave it
(click the pics to go forward- it's a gallery of images)